Smile
by Lily Maxwell The Dark Angel
Summary: [Alternative Universe] "How can you smile so beautifully and still be so emotionless?" [Yaoi - KaRe]


You are a deceiver. People think you are open, and truthful, but you are nothing but a lie. All they can see is your mask, your fake cheerfulness and your fake heart. In fact, you hate them all, don't you? For not being able to see through you. For being so superficial and oblivious. All you have to do is smile and they will smile back. They never notice how fake it truly is.

But how can you smile so beautifully and still be so emotionless? How can you look so innocent and threatening at the same time? You are nothing but a shadow of your true self, who smiles at the foolishness of people.

I wish I could be like you. I wish I could be whom they wanted me to be, give the impression they wanted me to give. But I can't. I can't not be myself. I can't hide behind emotions I don't possess. I just can't.

We're so alike, me and you. And yet so different. We both hate what we are doing, hate who we are. Hate being controlled like this, performing their actions, attached to their strings and being used as their puppets. But they're incompetent, you see. Without us, they would be nothing. That's why they use us. Because we're better than them, in many ways.

You know what I want, don't you? Even at this right moment I can see it in your eyes. You have always known. And I feel like you did this for me, instead of doing it for them, this time. There's just something about the way you hold me right now… I know you can feel it too. I know you know what I think.

I can't remember how we met. My mind is a blur, my memory has never been that good. I just know you, and only you. You have become the most important thing to me, and yet I can't even tell how it started. It's ironic.

But you have always been loud and silent. How does that work, anyway? You just are. I remember how I was lost in a crowd of voices, trying to disassociate myself from them, trying to run. They see me as strong, say that I'm too good to be beaten but they're wrong. Like they do to you, they judge me by the looks. They don't see the coward that I am. How they disgust me.

But I heard your laughter. It was louder than their loud voices. I don't know why you laughed. It might have been because of something someone said to you, or maybe because of something you saw. I like to think it was because of me. Laughing at me for being such a loser. Laughing at the fact that I, a miserable teenager, could be the only heir of a powerful millionaire. And that, because of his death, I'd inherit his company. I like to think you saw _me_.

You smiled at me back then, too. I remember that much. There had been something sinister in your smile; I always wondered how nobody noticed. But you approached me, like a predator does to its prey, gracefully and slowly. You didn't say much, that day. You have always been silent when you needed to be. You captivated me by just standing by my side, watching me watching them, both of us immersed in tranquility.

I have memorized all the words you have ever said to me. Maybe because your voice is slick and soft, and changes depending on your mood. It could be deep, it could be low, it could be small, or even dripping with bitterness. Your voice was the flaw to your façade. It gave away your emotions, without you realizing it did. Or maybe I was the only one who noticed. Wouldn't be a surprise. They can never see you anyway.

Thinking about it, we didn't share many moments, did we? It's funny how we think we've been together for so long, but so little time has passed. Did the hours stop? I think it did. Just like right now. The clock won't move, and so won't we. Because if we blink, we might fall back into the world of mediocrity. And you are so above them.

I hate to think about why we are here right now. I hate to think about the truth. It's easier for me, the coward, to lose myself in my fantasy than accept the harsh reality. To face the fact that you aren't an answer to my prayers, that you aren't a fragment of my lonely mind to put me out of my misery. You're real, and you're a lie. You're them, and they sent you.

But don't we all have our own fantasies? Don't we all build lies for ourselves in order to continue living in this world instead of facing the truth and ending our fucking pain? Even you do. You lose yourself in your mind, brooding and brooding, and hiding everything from everyone. I like to believe that my life has a purpose, and that that purpose is you. What do you believe in, Rei?

Your name slips from my lips. I can feel you shiver and your breath take a small pause. You believe in something, Rei? Did you believe that things would come to this, do you believe that this is real? You do, don't you? You've always known. You have a better grasp of reality than me. Who would have thought? I'm the one that can't hide my emotions, and I'm the daydreamer. I'm so pathetic.

I have never had anything. Anything I wanted, that is. But now that I do, I'm about to lose it. Because my true wish is coming true. My grandfather and my father, they had my future planned. Did they truly plan you, Rei? No, of course not. No one could plan you. They could plan this moment, they could plan everything but you.

But this is the fate _I _planned. It just happens to be good for them, doesn't it? Yeah, you know it, even though you try to forget it. You're trying to help me, after all.

I close my eyes. I don't think you have ever felt the same things as me. I'll never believe you did. You have never said what you thought about me, you never demonstrated anything but amusement for me. You watch me from afar. Knowing what my future will be, and not making a move to stop it. You're independent, Rei. You'll never need me like I need you.

But when I reopen my eyes, I can see it. I changed something in you that no one could. And I smile. For the first time since my mother was alive. You're bright like her, did you know? A collection of beautiful of frames, features, picture perfect, forever burned in my mind. And I changed you. I played your game, and was the winner. I don't think you had this planned; I don't think _anybody_ had this planned.

Do you believe in Fate, Rei? Of course you don't. Because you only do what is given to you. You only do what they tell you to. You're a prisoner of them, and a prisoner of your own. That's why you're surprised as I smile. I cracked your defenses, didn't I? I ruined your plans. I ruined your mask.

I can make my own fate. That is because now, I'm dying. I wanted to die. They wanted to die. But this is _my_ choice. And you've done it for me, Rei, because I can feel it. You're holding me tighter than before. Even tighter than when I was the one holding you, kissing you, just minutes ago. You can feel my emotions, and they overwhelm you. Because you didn't expect me to care for you. Not like this.

We both fall to the floor, you still holding onto me. Your beautiful white clothes are stained with my blood, but I don't think you mind. Nor do I mind. I still smile, trying my best to keep looking at you. I never had anything I wanted, Rei, but I wanted you, and I _have _you.

That fake, hurtful smile is still on your face. You trace your fingers on my skin, brushing them against the lips you kissed before. They stain it red. Red with my blood, the blood _you_ spilled, the death _I_ wanted.

The corners of your mouth twitch, and I watch as you cry. You don't sob, don't make a sound. You always remain quiet when you want to. It's a virtue. And the smile, it vanishes.

I see the true Rei Kon now. The only thing I ever wanted was you.

And I feel the life leaving me, leaving you. Because you couldn't see the truth before it was too late. You helped me, but couldn't help yourself. You have a better grasp of reality, Rei, but you hide your emotion so well, that even you couldn't see them.

At least I broke you, didn't I?

**- Smile -  
**

… Such are the spurs of inspiration that hit me while washing the dishes and that can only be written when it's past 10 PM.

Gods, I love this story. I hope you liked it too. I liked writing it at least.

Share your opinions and criticism with me?


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